Bloody mess....

I havent even tried to log on to the game for maby 2 weeks? Why? It feels like entering the world of zombies. You say hi and your lucky if 1/10 says hi back to you. No matter if its raiding hour or any other hour. It feels like entering a big depression. And tbh, the social bit is all i get out of it atm since the flying around and doing stuff bit makes me feel sick. So 2 weeks off... Maby its time to log back on soon and say hi and see if people pulled themselves up now? This being pregnant bit and gaming bit dont seem to work so good together atm. Today i walked in to 15(weeks) +0(days). It means im 16 weeks pregnant (i have started my 16th weeks and thats how they count. Very confusing at first tbh). But they say your morning sickness will pass, but it hasnt so far and it feels like im going over the weeks where it will end. I might have to get used to feeling like this all the time until the baby comes. Horrible thought! I dont know what to do with the game if that happens. But im thinking of taking away my visa details on blizzards billing page... I pay for 6 months in advance and next time i need to pay is in like january or feburary. And the baby is due in feburary. I wont have the time for the game then! Its all a mess atm. Its not like im the most hard person to replace there anyway so i dont have to feel like i  have to or that im letting people down.

I dont want to game atm just because i get the motion sickness on top of my morning sickness. Yesterday i started to vomit blood. So i had to go to the doctors. And that alone takes all my energy even tho it takes me 5 min to walk there... At least its not my old ulcer from 10-11 years ago that has come back. I have just been vometing so much it comes from the throat. It just cant take it no more... So i got some medicine to heal that and some medicine that might help with feeling so sick. Being pregnant is not how i imagined it to be... I thought i would be able to sit now and do alot of gaming, being social again. But no, i cant even walk outside my own house for more then 1 hour without having a price to pay for it...

But dont think the gamer inside me has left! Oh no, its there more then ever. Since i lay in bed all day working on not vometing (i am so ready for that part in the exorcist now, i have even the sound effects down to the most scary sound) or not trying to break mentally, i have been playing other games. To be exact Diablo 2 and yesterday i also started playing another old time favourite (it seems old games are not as bad when it comes to motion sickness) Black & White 2. Black & White i just started yesterday so i have a long way to go before anything really happens. Now im just trying to make them to breed and build stuff they want me to build. But Diablo 2 has been going on for a long time. And it has been fun! Not only because its a classic game, but Alex has been playing it a bit to. Strange thing is that one time he got a bug where he can have millions in his chest and he gets loads of orange runes. He is lower lvl then me ffs =P Hes not suppose to? Can diablo 3 live up to the expectations since 2 was so good when that came out? Dont think they stand a chance tbh... Not only have they made the game an online game that makes me wonder if its another game i have to pay for the cds and then pay to be able to log on, they are mixing real money with an auction house (just like wow except the real money bit). Why do they do that? Diablo is one of the games i love just because i dont have to log on somewhere. Its on my pc and no where else. I think they are making it to obvious that they want to earn money more then making a game good that we all have been waiting for so many years. You dont think they wont take their cut on auction house when you deal with real money? Think again... Has Blizzard become to big to fast for their own good? I think alot of players will be disappointed in Diablo 3, specially if it comes to ps3 as i have heard it might. It just dont feel like Diablo! I have applied for testing the beta but still no word so i guess i wont get the chance. To bad, since it probably would cheer me up a lill bit. Unless they made the graphics so good it triggers motion sickness. Lol.

I dont seem to talk to alot of people now from wow. I do miss that...

Im telling my secret now

So, now i can finally say why i have had a hard time playing hour long raids! Im pregnant! So now we can add another positive thing the game has given me. If it wasnt for the game i wouldnt have met my Alex. And we wouldnt be expecting one now. But ofc, we wouldnt be having a baby if Shadowtour didnt have a heart to heart with Alex about the subject =) Today we have gone 12 weeks and 1 day. But being pregnant has not been a vacation! There where some complications in the beginning and we thought it was all over. Against all signs it wasnt. And i have felt so sick! Normally when you have the stomach flu you get over it within a week. This has been a ongoing thing since 6 weeks and 4 days. We are very happy parents to be =) And it seems he has connected with the baby better then me. But maby because he hasnt been sick. Sometimes i have been crying wishing myself dead. It does take a toll on you. You can really feel your hungry but dont really want anything. You start to plan whats easy to get up. So gaming has sufferd alot! I havent caped myself every week like i maby should have. But the thing is, the game cant be paused. If i do a random with a pug group they wont take a break just because i need one for 10 min. And i do tend to push myself way over the edge. I did one evening. I thought it was a great idea to raid. The next day i was a wreck! When we where done i started to feel less hot. Then the day after it was still going on and getting worse during the day. But it was fun. It is starting to itch in my raiding nerve again ;)

I have been chasing achievements on Babylove. And i have created Babymama. My new little shammy healer. But everyone seems to be a shammy healer now. Grrr ;)

I am curius how i am going to combine my gaming life and a baby later. But lets face it. The first time of the babys life im going to be like a mage. A vending machine. Who dosent think cake or food when they see a mage? ;)

So, im trying to take care of myself and do all whats good for the baby. I think its going to be worth it =)

How the guild started and what has it become?

I remember the day Shadowtour started Splintered Souls. Me, Alex, Mos and him met in Dolce and banana. Things where not going the way we wanted there. The raid leader was way to often late and sometimes we didnt have enough people for a raid. We all started to search outside. I went to FFS. I even got the offer to become an officer. I must have known i wasnt going to be there for so long? Shad said he was trying one more guild and if that didnt work out he was going to start his own. So things didnt work out and he started his guild. I still remember joining in the very first day. I remember seeming the text going yellow telling me i was now an officer of Splintered Souls.

What was the idea of making Splintered souls? To make it a social raiding guild but with firm times and a few rules. Among them was "You will conduct yourself in an adult manner at all times. We are not your parents. You will show respect and consideration to all guild members, officers, and alliance guild members, regardless if you’re in or out of raid." And we where about to make it! We where thinking about our reputation at all times. We took schooling the members that did wrong in private (that was an officer rule, you never reprimanded members in public). We got alot of good players to the guild. Most of them i still have a huge respect for. I cant really point my finger to when it went wrong, all i can say is that i think alot of people have gone numb now to what is said. When not even the officers can follow the rules any more, who can expect a member to do it?

We had an incident in the guild with 2 members being rude all the time. Specially to one person. It just kept going and going and going. And at the same time i was trying to pull everyones thumb out of there behinds. We still needed to reqruit, we where missing the cata changes when everyone was changing guild. I spoke up about the problems i saw. I even came up with sulutions to the problems. You have to have some sulutions sometimes to something, cant complain all the time and expect someone else to do it. Specially when you where in the position i was. An officer. Thats a huge responsibility. I seemd to have seen it more as a company that cant survive without selling something. And on horde side with our server its a very small world. A guild lives on its reputation its getting. I was warning about members leaving just cuz of the lack of commitment from us. What happened. We have lost ALOT of good members.

I raided with the guild yesterday. First time in 8 weeks i think? What could i see? No one really seemed like they really cared. Everyone was at an okay mood when we started but as soon as we meet a tiny little bit of problem it all turned sour. I didnt give a *bleep* cuz it was so long ago i was raiding. To me it was al fun. If people didnt want to, screw them, im killing this big ugly thing. I got to hear the other day everyone said they wanted me back. Do they? Really? After what was said today from one officer on vent im not so sure. Im not the most secure person. I dont care what my dmg meter told me after the raid, its so much more then dps in a raid. You need to know when to stop, when to push it, when to not stand in the shit on the ground otr whatever shit is coming your way. When Spike and Druid said things about other people raiding i got to hear that one officer stoped playing. He was offended. I guess the same way i was today? No one seems to thin there was a problem having one outsider and one very fresh member on vent. It becomes like rings on the water.

I really wish people could open their eyes and start to care again. Atm i cant ffeel alot of people cares how we represent ourselves any more. To many chefs trying to make the soup? Atm its a cold hearted soup with a very bitter taste!

Alex said in the middle of all our stuff going on, that he would try to run the guild. I thought people wanted change. Specially since we now are struggling to get new people in. And the website went down at the same time (guess who was the first to see that. Me ofc. lol) Im seriously thinking about who wants to work for the guild (that i know some do) and who just want the status of an officer? All i can say to my hun Alex is I am really glad you where trying and ty for taking my opinion in consideration when you where tying to make the guild what it was. I would have supported you all the way to make the guild what we wanted the first day when we where so few. The concept of that was popular, the concept now isnt. Im glad you could see it and wanted to work on it while your my rock and biggest support here at home. Taking care of both me, a house, a cat and a guild is alot of work. I wish more people could see what attitude was a winning concept for the guild and what wasnt.But i guess people change...


Neither me or Alex feel like raiding. If it wasnt for all the people we loved we would have left now. Just like everyone else. Like all the inactive members that dont seem to find the spark for the game again. And i am really sorry synth, i wont be raidleading ever and spank you around like you said you missed. I will wait and see if the guild can recover or if it cant. If it gets disband, or we end up being the only ones left, i will start up Angels of Destiny again. But i really dont have the energy or the time atm to do it so i really hope it wont come to that.

Where did the love go? I still got plenty to give to the guild.Please dont break my heart so much guys, it cant take much more without being broke forever....